This article has previously been published on an article depositary. However, I republished it here, not knowing that it was considered spamming (that seems like a rather big issue on the internet).
I am however unwilling to take it down because I feel that the contents are very helpful to all who read it. I hope this article spreads like wild fire not because of my personal ego (no matter how big that may be) but because of my true desire to help.
Therefore, I urge you to read and share with friends.
I too have had the experience of not being sure if my girl was still mine. I know the emotional torture that goes with it and I have decided to share my views on the issue.
I hope to provide through this piece a clinical and unbiased analysis of the problem so as to proffer a solution that works for both parties. If you find it pricks you into anger, well truth hurts – get over it.
The beginning – and every relationship has a beginning – is very important. This is where every point of a relationship meets. ‘Points’ here could be reworded as factor, or aspect. I mean things that determine the success or otherwise of any relationship. Others are SINCERITY, RECIPROCITY and LOVE.
Now, if you start a relationship without being sincere, that means if your intentions are not pure, you stand to more harm to yourself, in the long run, than to her now. This is because you cannot assure yourself that you will not fall in love with her with the passage of time, thus leaving yourself vulnerable to heartbreak. Yes, as she shows you love and care, you may find that you have become attached to her.
Let’s say you are dating a girl that you do not love for instance, your partner will become aware of this insincerity through the attitude you show. This happens unconsciously and no matter how good an actor you are you will at some point reflect on this insincerity.
She may accept the situation and decide to play along, waiting for the right man to come along and save her from the loveless relationship. This means that despite her decision to stay, she has taken you as MR. Wrong, and even when you have a change of heart she may not be convinced that you have turned a new leaf. This means that she may not take you and the relationship serious.
Now suppose you do have a change of heart, and start loving her, but she has found someone else who showers her with love and attention? What do think will happen in this instance? Your guess is probably as good as mine. Now to the next point; reciprocity.
Every relationship depends to some extent on reciprocity. This may sound too basic, but it is undeniable that you will soon tire out of a relationship in which you give all, but do not receive or gain anything. And I do not mean money. If you begin a relationship and it is one sided, it will usually stay that way. And of course the day will come when she will get tired of you not taking the initiative. Buying her flowers, tickets to games, offering to cook her a meal – whatever it takes. When that day comes, she may lose all interest in you. Nobody wants to be seen as begging for affection or your gifts.
In truth, it should be given freely. That is when its value is fullest, its effects most far reaching, and its fruits most enjoyable. Start today to practice this and you will see that there is truly more joy in giving than there is in receiving. Joy that gives a sense of well being that surpasses the acquisition of material things.
Having thoroughly absorbed the value of reciprocity, it is time to move to the next point; love.
This four letter word has generated perhaps more controversy and is more misunderstood and misused than any other word-at least that I can think of. Being intangible, it is hard to explain. I once asked a twenty five year old what he understood by love.
‘Love means sex’, he replied. As I expressed surprise at this answer, he went further to explain that ‘that is how the dictionary explains it’. That is the extent of misinformation about love that is out there even as you read this. Before you read further, please try to answer these simple questions: What is love? What does it mean to love someone?
A very close word to love is affection. Affection is more than a feeling, it is more like spiritual connection with another. It is about holding someone as being dear to your heart. It is that which causes you to be entirely devoted to the well being of another, going out of your way to ensure that the person in question is never brought into harms way. Every relationship needs this to survive.
You must have this affection in your heart. When you have a loving heart you can more readily give it out to the people that surround you. Let me explain: you cannot give what you do not have. Thus love is not really what you should have, it is more accurately described as what you should be. Every body needs love. And everybody loves the person who gives out love.
When you become an embodiment of love you become more tolerant. You become less likely to take offense even when you have a good excuse to do so. You also find it difficult to say or do things that will hurt others.
If you knew someone with a personality fitting that described above would you not find it easy to fall in love with him? Do you not agree that if two people living together can cultivate this quality, they will have their ups and very few downs?
Having read through, you should intuitively be able to pin point the cause of the problems you are having in your relationship. You must now start making the necessary changes to salvage and solidify your relationship.
I wish you love.