The following interview of Osama Bin Laden does not represent the opinion of onelovespace.
The following is an interview of Al Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden.
This interview was done by the Associated Press (AP) in collaboration
with the Al-Qaeda Journalism Agency (Al Jazaria).
After evaluating this interview it was decided that the sensitive
information contain herein should be censored. As a result it
was branded ‘classified,’ and removed from the media database. By a
stroke of ingenuity, however, it has been discovered, and published.
INTERVIEWER: I want to start by thanking you for giving us this
opportunity to speak with you, Mr. Bin Laden. We realize that it takes
a great deal of trust on your part to even consider sitting with
people from the West.
Bin Laden: I also want to thank you for coming. I know that the
western media has done a lot to demonize me. They must have told you
that I am a mad-man with bombs, and would blow you up just for the fun
of it. As you can see that is not the case. We are sane men fighting a
just Cause. This is a war that must be fought! I only ask that you do
not go back to your offices and edit this interview so as to make me
INTERVIEWER: You have my word Mr. Bin Laden. This interview will be
published exactly as done here.
Bin Laden: Very well, thank you.
INTERVIEWER: Peace, Mr. Bin Laden. Before I ask about your grievances
I want to ask if you have any preconditions for peace. I personally
want to see an end to the violence. I ask now, Mr. Bin Laden: will you
negotiate peace terms?
Bin Laden: The American government is led by a dishonourable family.
George Bush ripped off my uncle to the tune of $7,000,000 during
operations of the company they founded; Arbusto Energy. Not only did
he take me uncle’s money, he killed me uncle in a plane crash! So you
see, those people cannot be trusted. Our only option is to kill them
INTERVIEWER: You had business connections with the Bush family? I did
not know that!
Bin Laden: Well, you would have if you had done your job and checked
the facts instead of being a lazy ass, pencil pushing, internet
INTERVIEWER: Okay. Arbusto Energy. Once I get to the office I am going
to google it. Erm, I mean I am going to do some research on it.
Bin Laden: Okay, good.
INTERVIEWER: Now if you don’t mind, Mr. Bin Laden, I would like to
talk about 9/11. Almost 3000 people died that day.
Bin Laden: Those were casualties of war. Every war has casualties.
This is a Holy War, a Jihad. Do the lives of the good men we have lost
INTERVIEWER: A Holy War? But I thought you said your grievances were
because of what happened with Arbusto Energy.
Bin Laden: Well, something has to trigger the bloody war innit?!
INTERVIEWER : So you are saying that Arbusto Energy is the trigger?
Bin Laden: And don’t forget that there are so many Arbusto Energy’s out
there right now. I mean there are so many Westerners ripping off
Arabs, exploiting Arab wealth and running home with all the money.
Guys like George Bush think that they are smarter than guys like me.
But they are wrong. I’ll show them!!
NTERVIEWER: Now, please tell us about life as a Jihadist.
Osama Bin Laden: Not easy. This is a life where we have to give up even the small pleasures of normal life, live in caves, and face constant danger. In our world your gun is your best friend. See this boy *brandishes his AK 47* This weapon has been with me since the Russian invasion. It has had five new stocks, three new triggers, a few hand-grips, and I can’t remember how many cartridges.
INTERVIEWER: How is the same gun then?
Osama Bin Laden: It’s right here in front of you. Do you want to do a DNA test on it?
INTERVIEWER: Honestly, what do you think are your chances of winning this war?
Osama Bin Laden: I read that David killed Goliath. I don’t know what idiot wrote that because this Goliath has proven difficult to kill… But even if we don’t win we die as heroes! We leave a legacy for our children never to succumb to the white man. Never to let their freedom, their religion, their dignity be stripped from them. That is a victory in itself!
INTERVIEWER: It has been wonderful speaking with you Mr. Bin Laden.
This interview has been very revealing.
Bin Laden: Oh thanks! My pleasure! Now I need a drink. Oi! We still
got any of that beer left?!
INTERVIEWER: So you drink?
Bin Laden: I thought you said the interview was over!
What you have just read is a PARODY. Don’t come running to me that you
quoted this material and got arrested or even killed by the FBI.
Please check out my book Bomber Boy: Rise of The Underwear Bomber.
the link. Have fun reading about bombs!